The Umbrella Can’t Be Moved

STAFF REPORTER

 The East End is rather bewildered over what can adequately be described as amazing sounds which were witnessed at Bridgeton Cross on Tuesday afternoon when a high power motor car reared along London rd. from Glasgow Cross, drew up with a screeching of brakes, and a crowd of weirdly clad “ruffians”,” heavily” “armed, poured out and struggled to remove the famous Umbrella!

For some considerable time there has been talk of knocking down this landmark which is a symbol of home to East.Enders all over the world.

The suggestion met with such opposition that the impression was created that the authorities had shelved the idea because they feared something akin to civil war in the East End.

Startled more than somewhat out of their usual calm Brigtonians stood aghast as the mob proceeded to attempt to knock away the supports of  The Umbrella with picks, shovels and garden rakes.

PECULIAR ACCENT

A remarkable feature of the affair was the accent of the ruffians who encouraged each other with shouts.

EAST END BEWILDERED OVER BRIGTEON CROSS  SCENE

 

Local people who have been courageous enough to travel throughout the length and breadth of Glasgow detected that the accent closely resembled that of natives of the foreign quarter of Glasgow known as Kelvinsayd.

Within a few moments a large crowd of local people assembled and when they realised their beloved Umbrella was threatened discussed the advisability of summoning the local battalion of the H.L.I. to come to its defence. Regretfully that idea had to be abandoned. It was remembered the H.L.I. was still in service in Germany.

 

CARNTYNE JEALOUSY

Several people – believed to be natives of Carntyne which has nothing like The Umbrella to give them local pride—were in imminent danger of having the feet ca’d frae them! They suggested it might be a good idea if The Umbrella was removed and attempted to dissuade many Brigtonians from their suggestion to form a human wall of defence round this landmark.

Another remarkable feature of the affair was that a number of local policemen could be seen standing about and smiling broadly as the “ruffians” attempted to form a human ladder to assist several of their number to clamber on to the roof of The Umbrella.

After they had failed to do this and also to undermine the supports of the erection the “ruffians” held a council of war. At is end they issued a communiqué which was read to the rapidly growing crowd of Brigtonians by the leader.

CALLED IT A PARASOL!

CLAN McCANN PROVES It

He said” Ectually, we’re here to help you people of Bridgetown. We know that you are very fond of your parasol—I’m sorry , your Umbrella.  We know that you fiercely resent any attempt to pull it down and we came along here this afternoon at the express order of Phil, the Chief of the Clan McCann, to prove that The Umbrella can’t be pulled down.  You good people of the East end have told the authorities that they can’t move The Umbrella.  We have just proved it!”

 “ In return for that we ask you to help us of the Clan McCann to raise £25.000 on Saturday for the hospitals”

The men and their weapons then re-entered their car which roared away back along London rd.

Ygorra admit the whole affair was rather bewildering, eh?

Taken from Eastern Standard Saturday 19 Jan 1946